20 Life Nuggets I learnt in my 20s

June 29, 2017

Having recently turned 30 I have been looking back over the past decade, the highs and the lows and all the craziness that has brought me to where I am today.  The last ten years have seen me through university, living in Ibiza, hitting rock bottom, many unhealthy addictions, heartbreak, a couple of near death experiences, moving 15 times, starting my own businesses, failing at some of them, working 2o different jobs, losing friends, travelling to places such as India, Thailand, Dubai and South Africa, getting married, having two dogs, several breakdowns, several breakthroughs, a good dose of therapy, starting a blog, public speaking and all the rest. It’s been a rocky ride to say the least but I’m now in a place to say that I’m grateful for all of it and I have compiled a list of some of the nuggets of wisdom and life lessons that have helped see me through it all and taken me through a huge personal transformation. Many of these I wish I had known earlier but of course having lived the contrast I now feel the gravity of the lessons inherent in them at a deeper level. I hope some of these tips may help guide you past your twenties and beyond for a healthier, happier and ultimately more balanced version of you. 

   

1.You cant hit a moving target so get clear on what you want, your goals and dreams of what you want to achieve. The universe loves details and specifics so dream in vibrant colours and make a compelling vision for your future. The first half of my twenties I had no direction and had never set any goals so it was no wonder I seemed to keep going round in circles perpetuating that feeling of being lost. As soon as I started setting forth intentions and writing down solid goals I began to build confidence and certaintly and as a result work towards achieving those desires and goals I had set forth. The power of intention is real and works as long as you do. 

2. Stop giving a shit about what other people think of you. People are generally way too consumed in their own lives to be passing judgement on you for any length of time and if they are spending time talking or thinking about you their lives are probably boring and unfulfilled. Those people you admire generally are busy kicking ass in the world and don’t have time to pass judgement or bitch and moan about others. Also other peoples opinions of you are based on a narrow perspective of you and have nothing to do with you really are, their opinions are more about them than you so don’t waste time worrying about it. Be who you are, do what you want and follow your joy, eventually you will inspire others to do the same. 

3. Surround yourself with rockstars.  I had no idea how much our environment effects us as people but now when I look back I can see how I was so unhappy in environments that did not support me. Make it your goal for the five people you spend the most time with in your life to be those that uplift and inspire you. Those that root for you not just when you’re down but who encourage and cheer for you when you are smashing it even if they are not in a similar place to you. Those are the special ones. 

4. Don’t engage with toxic people. Unfortunately I have had my fair share of these. People that are manipulative and self serving. Sometimes we can be embroiled in toxic relationships without realising it but you know when something is toxic as it gives you feelings of anxiety and even a sense of being trapped. Get out of these as soon as you can, they will only dim your light. 

5. Set clear and strong boundaries. This means only say yes when you mean yes. Don’t people please for the sake of it then go against your values, betraying ourselves because we don’t want to let others down is counter productive. When you are spending time with people in a  resentful way because you wish you were somewhere else people can feel it. 

6. Acknowledge your brilliance and take stock of your achievements as often as possible. I spent most of my twenties focusing on the things I didn’t do right as opposed to all the amazing things I did do. When I started expressing gratitude to myself for my achievements but also for everything that I had in my life it was like the flood gates of abundance opened up and I attracted so many amazing opportunities and things into my life. Don’t wait for a special occasion to celebrate, Celebrate everyday and celebrate all your wins. Its the small wins that lay the foundation for the big ones! 

7. Remember the universe is always on yours side and is working for you not against you. When you remember this its easier to ride through the rough times. Some of my biggest breakdowns have been my biggest breakthroughs and only in hindsight could I see the value in them. Having faith and trusting life brings about miracles. I can’t tell you how many times I have literally  been down and out, sometimes with no money and something always shows up for me when I relax and trust in life. 

8.Take care of your future self. Take some time each day or yourself, to nourish your mind and body. For most of my twenties I didn’t give myself much thought, I was always on to the next thing and constantly on the hunt for instant gratification. I abused my body for years with drugs and alcohol never giving my future self much thought always just hoping everything would work out for me. It took me years to get over the mental and physical effects of this abuse and had I only cared more about myself and valued myself more I don’t think I would have got myself into such a muddle. No high is worth years of mental and physical pain. 

9. .Don’t kick yourself when you’re down. When you feel like everything is tumbling down and you can’t control anything its the universe letting you know its time to surrender. When we let go and release resistance that’s when you open the space for miracles to occur. Life is  a balance of taking inspired action and then letting go and allowing the universe to work its magic. 

10.Do what brings you joy or find the joy in what you are doing and do more of that. I used to sit in jobs I absolutely hated with people that drained my energy. I worked many jobs alongside starting my business but because I was doing things I didn’t enjoy It made it even harder to get my business going as I was so worn down by the energy I was surrounded with. I just accepted things as though I didn’t have the power to change them and I didn’t expect better things for myself so I never sought out better opportunities. Knowing that we create our own reality by virtue of our thoughts and feelings, that we can have what we want, and can ask the universe for it is key in improving our circumstances at any stage of our life. 

11. Don’t do life alone. We are not meant to. Connection is the fundamental thread of life, its at the absolute base of being and it is what binds us together. Disconnection is what fuels isolation and ultimately I believe all unhealthy addictions.  If you’re feeling lonely call a friend, just connect! I always tried to do life alone, I felt embarrassed to ask for help sometimes. Catching up with a friend and connecting with others you will fuel your sense of connection with yourself and others. It will help you to fill up your own cup. For more on this read my blog on connection here.

12. Comparison is the thief of joy. We are all on our own journeys and you should only look to others for inspiration. When we compare ourselves to other’s it generally makes us feel bad which is not a good place to go forth on our own journeys from. We need to feel inspired and invigorated as often as possible. When you see something you desire in others that you feel you don’t have yet, bless it and thank it for showing you whats possible knowing that all is on its way for you.  For more on getting out of a comparison flex read my blog here.

13.  Don’t try at anything you really want. Try is a universal deleter, if you say you are going to try and do something you are really giving yourself permission to fail. Make your statements and intentions certain with I am and I will statements. Affirm great things about yourself even if you don’t quite believe them yet with repetition and incantation you will re wire your neural pathways and form your new beliefs in your subconscious that support you and your mission.

14. Serving others and being kind always feels good. Find the ways in which you can use your gifts to uplift and help others. The more we give the more we get back and contribution helps us to connect with others on a deeper level. 

15.  Practise grace and ease as well as peaceful thoughts. We get good at what we practise so practise things that will serve and nourish you.  Toxic thoughts lead to toxicity in the body as well as rigging your mind to search for toxic things in your environment and no one wants that. You will always attract circumstances that are aligned with your beliefs you have about yourself. If you feel shit about yourself your subconscious mind will looks for ways to prove you right that’s why again and again in my twenties I attracted situations that reinforced negative beliefs I had about myself. It was only once I did the work to untangle my subconscious programming that I was able to change my vibration and attract higher vibrational energies into my experience.

16.  Our body and mind craves what we give it most. If I eat sugar my body wants more of it, If I eat mostly vegetables guess what my body wants more of the green stuff. The same goes for our thoughts, when I think thoughts of conflict my mind latches on to more thoughts of conflict when I think loving thoughts these expand too. The lesson here is to stand guard to the door of our mind and body and be mindful of what you are most letting in to both. 

17. Fake it till you make it. If you want to have or be something you have to act like you already have it. This has worked for me time and time again. If I want something but don’t know how to do it yet, I still say yes to it and learn as I go along. Everyone is winging it to some degree, when we remember this it eases the pressure we put on our self.

18. Just show up. If you don’t go anywhere nothing can happen for you. When I’m not sure about going to something, I’m tired and don’t feel on form I always remember that something good always comes out of showing up and it always does.  

19. Progress equals happiness.  As long as we are moving forward we feel good. It is only when we are stuck that we feel bad. If you want to grow beautiful things for yourself plant the seeds and then nourish them.

20. Don’t shut off your negative emotions. It’s normal to feel them. Shutting them off and numbing them as a way to escape from them only causes problems later on, we must experience them fully then release them. I wish I had realised this earlier as I used to internalise everything, Not only was I holding everything inside but I was too ashamed to share when I wasn’t happy as I was always putting on a front.

21. Trust the divine timing of life, when we look backwards we can connect the dots to see why everything happened as it did. Now that I know about the law of attraction it is easy to see why I attracted what I did in the past, the type of people and situations I found myself in were as a direct reflection of the beliefs,dominant vibration and thoughts that I was putting out to the universe.

22. Love is the strongest emotion we have. It overrides all other emotions.

Jules xx

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