Cultivating Connection In Relationships – Psycle London

February 16, 2017

Written for Psycle Inspire London

Connection is the invisible magic glue of life that binds us together and is at the root of all good relationships. Without it we feel lost and alone but with it we feel at peace, alive and exhilarated. When we have good connection with ourselves and others are time here feels aligned, valuable and purposeful.

Relationships are the fundamental byproducts of all connection. When we have good ones life seems to flow but when we are in the midst of disconnection from both ourselves and others our relationships can seemingly fall apart causing us to question our worthiness. In order for a relationship to succeed we have to be willing to maintain, expand and grow the connection where we can. Sure, all relationships start with a seemingly spontaneous fizz of connection that appears effortless but as time goes by without regular nurturing, connection can dwindle and fade. In a romantic partnership once the initial fizz has departed it can sometimes feel like we are forever longing for that sparkle, wondering where it got to and how we can swing it back into action.

To cultivate connection in a relationship one of the more important factors is to be present. It’s easy to get distracted these days but mentally running through an errant to do list when you are with your partner isn’t a recipe for deep connection. Commit to setting aside quality time with your companion where you have gotten everything out the way and can be there for them in every sense. Constantly checking your phone when you are with someone is disrespectful and kind of a buzz kill. Giving another your full attention is extremely attractive and can reignite an absent spark of connection, this and eye contact is a great way to establish connection with an other.

Let’s be honest, we all love it when someone takes an interest in us, it lights us up and makes us feel good. At the beginning of relationships we are always finding connections and similarities. This spirit of inquisitiveness is very endearing and getting back to it is a great way to have better connection in all your relationships.

Let go of the past. Living in the past is a sure fire way to cut the cords of connection. It blocks us from receiving much of the blessings inherent in our current relationships. This is a great practise of self compassion. By cultivating a greater sense of this for yourself you will naturally become more empathetic to others. When something happens to us and we receive an empathetic response it makes us feel that we are not alone, that others feel our pain, it strengthens our sense of connection in our relationships knowing that others can feel with us and not just for us.

Release judgement of yourself and others. When we are in judgement it can be difficult to cultivate a sense of connection as in this state we find it difficult to be our true unedited selves. We can’t show up as our true selves or show vulnerability. When you are willing to be vulnerable you create connection through your openness to trust. When we are generally dismissive or mistrusting of others we have most likely been wounded and betrayed. Hanging on to this energy is toxic and unfortunately will only create more of what you do not want e.g situations of mistrust.

Acceptance and forgiveness of yourself and others is a wonderful way to feel more connection in life, we all come into this world as pure perfect beings, fully accepted in this universe simply because we just are. As life moves on we learn to judge things as good or bad, we become self conscious of ourselves and our actions. When we fall in love with someone it is like we have just been born again, we feel so connected to that person that we see and feel only love.

Figure out each others values and the ways in which they like to receive love. We all receive love in different ways, some people love to receive physical affection, others like to receive gifts, some prefer acts of service or simply quality time with their beloved. When you know each others love languages, you can tend to them. I for example told my husband I love it when he is affectionate with me in public, it makes me feel like he is proud of me, he now makes a conscious effort when we are out and I love it, we are more connected than ever. It’s not that he didn’t want to do it before he just didn’t know I was so receptive to it, this kind of communication is key in establishing strong connections in relationships. In terms of values, if your partners highest value is excitement and adventure doing the same thing day in and day out is not going to fuel a sense of connection.

Practice appreciation. People love to be around grateful people. When we feel appreciated we want to connect more, do more and be more with others. Gratitude is one of the most powerful sentiments in the universe and puts you on a fast track to greater connection in all your relationships. When we aren’t grateful in relationships things can turn sour very quickly, we end up resenting the other person, we end up focusing on their lacks and feeling frustrated. When we focus on being thankful for all the great qualities in ourselves and others are connection soars. Make an effort to compliment your friends and lovers, see the best in them and thank them for all that they are.
Julia is a life coach and jewellery designer. Check out her story here and her latest pieces here.


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